“There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear...” — 1 John 4:18 (CSB)
In October 2022, my husband and I were on our way home from a church event when we were involved in a serious car accident that almost took my life.
I punctured a lung, broke eight ribs, fractured my ankle in three places, broke my right pelvis, and suffered a significant brain bleed.
The days I spent in the ICU were terrifying.
Between the brain bleed and a pretty significant concussion, I struggled to think clearly. I couldn't read anything, and even people's faces were often blurry when I looked at them. I felt vulnerable, confused, and scared.
Everything around me felt uncertain and I had very little ability to make sense of what was happening.
But when I was finally moved to a regular hospital room, something changed.
Glen (my husband) was able to stay with me around the clock and for the first time since I had been admitted to the hospital, I felt like I could truly rest.
Why?
Because I knew I wasn't facing this alone.
I knew how much my husband loved me. I trusted him. And having him there brought a sense of security I desperately needed. I could rest knowing he would be there to help me navigate whatever came next.
My injuries hadn't suddenly disappeared. I still had broken bones, a long recovery ahead of me, and plenty of reasons to be afraid.
But I felt different because I knew the person who loved me was right there beside me.
And that got me thinking about the way we experience the love of God.
Love That Casts Out Fear
1st John 4:18 tells us that perfect love drives out fear.
Now, let's be honest. We all experience fear. We worry about our health, our families, our finances, our future, and the things we can't control. Sometimes, we're afraid because we don't know what is coming next. Other times, we know exactly what we're facing and we're not sure we have the strength to face it.
And while we may wish God would simply remove whatever is frightening us, He doesn't always change our circumstances when we want Him to.
Sometimes the diagnosis remains.
Sometimes the grief lingers.
Sometimes the relationship is still broken.
Sometimes we have to keep walking forward without knowing how everything will turn out.
So what does it look like to live without fear when the things we're afraid of are still very real?
I think it begins with understanding whose love we can depend on.
Glen's presence in that hospital room helped me feel safe because I knew his heart toward me. I knew he loved me and wanted to walk through my recovery with me.
But as much as my husband loves me, his love is not perfect. He's human, just like I am.
God's love is different.
He is the only One who can love us perfectly and His love never fails!
He knows everything we're facing. He sees what we cannot see. He knows what tomorrow holds, even when we don't. And nothing we encounter will ever require Him to stop loving us or abandon us in our time of need.
That doesn't mean He will keep every painful thing from happening to us. My own story is proof of that.
But it does mean we never have to face what happens without Him.
When we begin to understand the depth of His love for us, we can learn to rest in His presence even when our circumstances give us plenty of reasons to be afraid.
When Our Circumstances Don't Change
One of the things I remember most about that hospital room is that Glen's presence didn't change the reality of what I was facing.
I was still injured. I was still in pain. I still had a long road to recovery ahead of me.
What changed was my sense of security.
I trusted that my husband would be there to help me navigate the difficult days ahead. I didn't have to figure everything out by myself. I had someone who loved me walking through it with me.
And isn't that what we need to remember about our relationship with the Lord?
We can spend so much time praying for God to change our circumstances that we forget to rest in the truth of His love right in the middle of them.
We want the fear to go away, so we ask Him to remove the uncertainty. We want peace, so we ask Him to give us answers. We want to feel secure, so we ask Him to show us how everything is going to work out.
And it's okay to bring those requests to Him! God invites us to bring our concerns, our fears, and our needs to Him.
But what if our security isn't found in knowing how everything will turn out?
What if it's found in knowing the One who will be with us through it all?
We may not know what the next doctor's appointment will reveal, but we can know that God will be with us.
We may not know when our grief will begin to feel less overwhelming, but we can know that His love will sustain us.
We may not know how a difficult situation will resolve, but we can know that we don't have to walk through it alone.
Our circumstances may be uncertain, but God's love for us is not.
And the more deeply we come to know that love, the more we can learn to rest in His care rather than live in fear of what might happen next.
Knowing the Love That Surpasses Knowledge
There's a passage of Scripture I find myself praying often, both for myself and for the people I love.
In Ephesians 3:17–19, Paul prays that believers would be rooted and firmly established in love and would have the strength to comprehend its full dimensions—the length and width, height and depth of Christ's love.
He goes on to pray that they would know this love that surpasses knowledge and be filled with all the fullness of God.
I love that Paul doesn't simply pray that we would know about God's love. He prays that we would have the strength to comprehend it and truly know it for ourselves.
Because there's a difference between knowing what the Bible says about God's love and learning to live securely in that love when life gets hard.
We can know He loves us and still struggle to trust Him when the future feels uncertain.
We can believe He is faithful and still lie awake at night worrying about what tomorrow might bring.
We can recite His promises and still find ourselves living as though everything depends on us.
That's why I believe we need to keep asking God to help us understand the depth of His love...not just in our minds, but in the everyday places where fear tries to take hold of our hearts.
I want to know His love so deeply that when I'm afraid, I remember who He is.
When I don't understand what He's doing, I remember His character.
When I can't see what's ahead, I remember that He sees it all.
And when I feel vulnerable and uncertain, I remember that I am loved by the One who will never leave me to face this life on my own.
That's the kind of security I want to experience. And it's the kind of security I pray for the people I love, too.
Resting in His Love
I wish I could tell you that after that accident, I never struggled with fear again...but that wouldn't be true.
Life still brings circumstances that make me anxious. There are still things I don't understand, situations I can't control, and moments when I have to remind myself to trust God all over again.
But I keep coming back to this truth:
I don't have to know what lies ahead to know that I am deeply loved by the One who does.
Perfect love doesn't mean we'll never feel afraid. And trusting God's love doesn't mean we'll never experience pain, uncertainty, or loss.
It means fear doesn't have to be what defines the way we live.
We can bring our fears to Him. We can ask Him for help. We can pour out our hearts and admit when we're struggling to trust.
And as we continue to know Him and experience His faithful love, we can learn to rest in the security of His presence...even when our circumstances haven't changed.
So today, my prayer is the same one Paul prayed for the believers in Ephesus.
Lord, help me know the height, the breadth, the length, and the depth of Your love for me. Help me understand not just that You love me, but how completely and faithfully You love me. Root me deeply in that truth so that when fear comes, I remember that I am not alone.
And for the people I love, I pray the same thing.
Because the more deeply we know the love of God, the more securely we can rest in Him.
We may not know what tomorrow holds, but we can rest in the love of the One who holds us.