What Name Tag Are You Wearing…
So back in 2009, I was about halfway through physical therapy following my brain surgery when my physical therapist, Jonathan, encouraged me to find an activity I could do during the week that would force me to hold my head up for a couple of hours.
That probably sounds like a strange assignment, but when part of your C1 and C2 vertebrae have been removed during brain surgery, you have to learn to support the weight of your head using muscles that weren't exactly thrilled about their new job description.
So my mom suggested we attend a Bible study together. Her church was getting ready to start its fall lineup of studies and although I was a little nervous because I had never done a really in-depth Bible study before, I was intrigued.
Then I saw the list of studies being offered.
One of them was on Esther.
I was in!
The study was Beth Moore's Esther: It's Tough Being a Woman, and the course description said, “If you've ever felt inadequate, threatened, or pushed into situations that seemed overpowering, this is the study for you.”
Well…check, check, and check.
I had no idea how much God was about to use that Bible study to change the way I saw myself.
It’s Tough Being a Woman
Every week we studied the book of Esther…and I mean studied it. We also talked about the things that can make being a woman tough.
It’s tough being a woman in the tight fist of fear.
It’s tough being a woman when you’ve been handed a giant-sized weight you never asked to carry.
It’s tough being a woman when you feel lost in another woman’s shadow.
On the first day of the study, we were asked to write down five things we thought made being a woman tough. Of course, I took this assignment very seriously. I wrote down things like parenting and learning to be thankful while living with a chronic illness.
Our group leader then shared some of the things she thought made being a woman tough.
My favorite?
“It’s tough being a woman when you’re wearing Spanx and can’t breathe.”
I instantly loved her.
However a few weeks into the study, something changed.
When the Bible Study Stopped Making Sense
As I worked through my homework for that week, I wasn't getting much out of it.
Actually, I was getting frustrated.
Every week before that, I had walked away from my personal time with God feeling like He had shown me something new. I couldn't wait to get to our group discussion and share what I had learned.
But this week?
Nothing.
I felt discouraged.
So then I get to Bible Study assuming everyone else must be having the same experience.
They weren’t…
In fact, several of them told me this had been one of their favorite weeks.
What was I missing?
We were studying our position in Christ and what it meant to be part of a royal priesthood.
Peter writes:
“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession…”
—1 Peter 2:9
My Bible Study friends were soaking in the reminder that they were daughters of the King.
I was sitting there wondering why I didn't feel like one.
I Couldn't See Myself That Way
It wasn't until Bible study was over, as my mom and I drove home, that I finally understood why the lesson hadn't connected with me.
I just couldn't relate.
I didn't see myself as a daughter of the King.
There was nothing particularly royal about me.
Just look at my past.
I had made choices I wasn't proud of. I had wandered into sin and rebellion. I carried shame over things I had done and things I wished I could undo.
I had read those verses before.
I knew what they said.
I just didn't believe they applied to someone like me.
And that's when the tears started.
I went back to those verses and read them again.
This time, I read them slowly.
And then I did something that felt incredibly awkward.
I put my own name in them.
Jessica is a chosen race.
Jessica is part of a royal priesthood.
Jessica is God's own possession.
It felt strange.
It felt almost wrong.
But I kept doing it.
And slowly, I began to understand what I had been missing.
I Had Turned Grace Into a Reward
Somewhere along the way, I had started believing that being a daughter of the King was something I had to earn.
I thought my past had disqualified me.
I thought my failures had moved me into some sort of second-rate category of Christianity.
Jesus had saved me, but surely I had to work my way back into a place of worthiness.
But that isn't what Scripture says.
My position in Christ wasn't based on what I had done.
It was based on what Christ had done.
When I trusted Christ as my Savior, my sin was covered by His blood. My standing before God wasn't dependent on a perfect record because I didn't have one.
Jesus did.
I didn't earn my place in God's family.
Jesus paid for it.
That changed everything.
I wasn't meant to spend the rest of my Christian life standing on the sidelines because of guilt and shame.
I wasn't supposed to keep looking backward at who I had been while ignoring who I was becoming in Christ.
My feelings didn't determine my position.
God did.
The Sticker Doesn't Make You Who You Are
You know those social events where they hand you a name tag, give you a Sharpie, and tell you to write your name on it before sticking it to your shirt?
Not everyone enjoys that part.
Some people slap it on without thinking.
Others hold it in their hand for ten minutes wondering where exactly they're supposed to put it…
But here's the thing:
The sticker doesn't give you a name.
It simply identifies something that is already true.
And that's a little like our identity in Christ.
My feelings don't determine whether I'm a daughter of the King.
My past doesn't determine whether I'm a daughter of the King.
My failures don't determine whether I'm a daughter of the King.
My ability to feel worthy doesn't determine whether I'm a daughter of the King.
God's Word does.
Stop Letting Shame Rewrite Your Identity
Maybe you know exactly what I'm talking about.
Maybe you've accepted Christ, but somewhere along the way you've started living like you need to earn your place all over again.
Maybe you look at your past and think, You don't know what I've done.
You're right.
I don't.
But I know what Scripture says about what Jesus has done.
And when Jesus says He paid it all, He didn't pay for most of it.
He paid it ALL.
There is no sin in your past that surprised Him.
There is no shame you carry that is stronger than His grace.
That doesn't mean sin doesn't matter. It does.
We repent. We turn from it. We grow. We pursue holiness.
However we don't spend the rest of our lives trying to repay a debt Jesus already paid.
We live from the position He has already given us.
Say It Until You Believe It
Sometimes we have to repeat God's truth over and over again because our feelings have spent years telling us something different.
So say it.
I am a daughter of the King.
Say it again.
I am a daughter of the King.
And when the voice in your head reminds you of your past, say it again.
When shame tells you that you're disqualified, say it again.
When you compare yourself to someone else and feel like you'll never measure up, say it again.
I AM A DAUGHTER OF THE KING.
Not because I earned it.
Not because I deserve it.
Not because I have always lived like it.
Because of Jesus.
Don't let shame keep you standing on the sidelines of your faith.
Don't let your past convince you that God's grace has an expiration date.
And don't confuse FEELING unworthy with BEING unworthy of what Christ has given you.
You may not always feel like a daughter of the King.
But feelings don't get the final word.
God does.
So let the Holy Spirit etch this truth into your heart until you don't just know it in your head…you believe it.
I AM A DAUGHTER OF THE KING.