God Still Knows the Way

"But He knows the way that I take; when He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold."
Job 23:10

I was 29 years old when my brain fell out of my head.

And yes...I mean that literally.

I had been diagnosed with a Chiari malformation, a condition where the lower part of my cerebellum had herniated through the opening at the base of my skull. The only treatment was major brain surgery.

It wasn't the diagnosis I expected.

It wasn't the story I would have written.

What made it even more confusing was the timing.

Just one month earlier, I had prayed one of the most vulnerable prayers of my life.

For years I had carried the weight of guilt and shame from my teenage years. I was exhausted from dragging my past behind me, and I finally reached the place where I prayed,

"Lord, do whatever it takes to free me from this shame. Give my life meaning. Use my story for Your glory."

I expected healing.

I expected freedom.

I certainly didn't expect brain surgery.

If I'm honest, I thought obedience would make life easier.

Instead, it got much harder.

Looking for Someone Who Understood

During that season, I found myself drawn to the book of Job.

I couldn't think of anyone in Scripture who had suffered more.

Job lost his children.

His wealth.

His health.

His security.

And yet Scripture describes him as blameless and upright.

That puzzled me.

Why would someone who loved God so deeply experience such profound suffering?

Like Job, I found myself asking questions I couldn't answer.

Why now?

Why this?

Why would God allow this after I had surrendered my life to Him?

Job didn't receive the explanation he longed for.

Instead, he received something greater.

He encountered the greatness of God.

And tucked inside Job's story is one verse that became an anchor for my soul.

"But He knows the way that I take; when He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold." (Job 23:10)

Two Truths That Changed Everything

That verse gave me two unshakable truths.

God Knows the Way I Take

Not just where my journey will end.

Every step.

Every doctor's appointment.

Every painful day of recovery.

Every discouraging setback.

Every fearful moment.

Nothing about my suffering caught God by surprise.

While I couldn't see what was ahead, He could.

I wasn't wandering through my trial alone.

The God who numbers the hairs on my head also knew every step of the path beneath my feet.

God Is Doing Something in the Fire

The second truth is just as comforting.

"When He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold."

Gold becomes valuable through refinement.

The fire doesn't create the gold.

It removes everything that doesn't belong.

Trials have a way of exposing what we truly trust.

They strip away self-sufficiency.

They loosen our grip on temporary things.

They deepen our dependence on Christ.

The promise isn't that suffering is good.

The promise is that God is good.

And because He is good, He never wastes our pain.

Looking Back

Looking back now, I can see that brain surgery didn't simply change my health.

It changed me.

It marked the beginning of a deeper relationship with Christ than I had ever known.

It became the catalyst that led me to write, speak, teach God's Word, and share the story of His redeeming grace with women who are still carrying shame and wondering if God can use broken people.

Ironically, the very thing I would have asked God to remove became one of the greatest tools He has ever used in my life.

I still don't understand every part of my journey.

There are questions I may never have answered this side of heaven.

But I know this:

He knows the way that I take.

And that is enough.

A Question Worth Considering

What if the very thing you're asking God to remove...

is the very thing He's using to refine you?

Not because He delights in your pain.

But because He delights in making you more like His Son.

One day, you may look back and realize the fire never destroyed your faith.

It purified it.